A Death Row Inmate





"Write like you're a goddamned death row inmate

and the governor is out of the country ..."
                                                             --  Alan Watts


This blog, begun some eight years ago, is about capturing a process of spiritual transformation - the true death sentence of the egoic inmate.  It's about the truth of the "I am that" - a truth that can neither be perceived nor imagined except by negation - "I am not this and not that."  In relative terms, it's about listening to the silence, then trying to figure out what to say about what you heard.  It's been a challenge to reduce realizations that are beyond intellect to conceptual monologues that have any chance of piercing the veils of the reader who thinks s/he is already aware of what you are pointing to.  Language is such a dull tool and hesitation is an effective barrier of sentence structure.


I've been hesitant to write about unsettled matters.  It's unfortunate that due partly to obsession with perfection I couldn't capture moments, fresh and unfettered by thought and insecurity during this period that presented some of the most provocative and profound insights of this incarnation - understanding is not as important as being.   I've started 16 articles since "The Swamp," written well over a year ago, had ideas for multiples of that number of articles and was about to start another.


I may have left some to think that I disappeared into the swamp  In a way, I did; I cut off virtually all ties to the outside world and enjoyed no guarantees from one moment to the next.  But, this has been the most informative series of experiences of my life.  There's been so much to say and no clear way to say it.  I would not have been able to write fast enough, so ... there are numerous recordings of some discussions that span the most recent 6 months.  These should provide fuel for further writing when I make time for the endeavor or, perhaps, they will be left to be discovered centuries from now to provide fodder for a new religious doctrine.


Until over a year ago, I was writing about finding the rabbit hole and peering into it.  Now, I'm more interested and challenged by what to do here in it.  It's been a personal endeavor and my only motivation for writing this blog is to document the journey and share this with friends and family for whatever benefit is to be derived from it.
  

Be free to sigh in relief, scorn in dismay or yawn in indifference.  I have returned to the playground.  I don't know what comes next and I am not attached to an outcome.  I hope you'll join me for what arises.



   Terms, Conditions, Disclaimers and Fine Print


Moving Forward

I have realized that I am not to be a teacher except by the example we all set for others.  A good teacher is a rare and beautiful gift to the world, but the best teacher is the one who sets the example.  Likewise, I don't have a teacher, lama  or guru though I listen to and read writings from several.  I like the Buddhist practice of kalyāṇa-mittatā, a spiritual association of noble friends who share interests and ethical values.  Thus, my teachers are my friends.  


I am not a religious person.  However, the basic tenets of secular (non-religious) Buddhism align well within my view of the form we find ourselves in.  And, while I believe that all religions point to the same core truth, all religions have been misquoted, corrupted, conceptualized, misinterpreted and misused.  For most of my life, I identified more as a scientist than anything else, even after I left research and entered the business world.  It was an attempt to intellectualize my view of our world and to interact with it in definable terms.  While the more interesting realizations are beyond thought, I still have great regard for science and intellect as long as they don't become a facsimile of the direct experience.


So, don't take anything I write here to be a teaching - or even seriously; you may not want to follow my example either. This is simply an exploration.



"Don't try to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist;

use it to be a better whatever-you-already-are
.
                                                                                                   --H. H. the 14th Dalai Lama