Remember the clear light, the pure clear white light from which everything in the universe comes, to which everything in the universe returns; the original nature of your own mind. The natural state of the universe unmanifest. Let go into the clear light, trust it, merge with it. It is your own true nature, it is home.
-- Tibetan Book of the Dead
The tough decision was made -- let it die. How much harder can it get? Yet, it was just the beginning, albeit of the next life. Now, the Bardo - the void between that past life and the next - the intermediate existence. It's a time for reflection, purification. The fires still rage. It's frightening. Empty moments compel an autonomic reflex to reach back, but there's nothing there, nothing. It's just as well -- going back would be failure without atonement -- push further into the void.
In the mundane, the past couple weeks were spent in Ojai. We stayed on a beautiful estate with a group of conscious entrepreneurs - ceremonies, giving and receiving. The planets aligned with the center of the universe on the winter solstice to produce a full eclipse of the moon -- a rare and, to some, significant event. Most notable was experiencing an awareness of Christ Energy -- unmistakable, intense, golden light body. It's in us all -- the bright light that powers us. Then, Christmas in Venice and 3 1/2 hours in a sensory deprivation tank the day following. New Years Eve was spent with Santo Daime near Santa Cruz until 4 AM, there, the realization of Bardo.
The difficulty has been in finding solid ground - there doesn't seem to be any -- it was an illusion. There are many travel plans that coexist with a realization that there is no place to go - no place superior to where I am now. I find all that I require. Still, there's an opportunity to experience and expand the horizon.
The body continues to purify. Now a raw diet of eggs, milk, yogurt, grains, fruits, vegetables -- raw Bison! Of course, sashimi remains the long-standing favored treat. The increased energy was noticeable immediately. Unfortunately, "raw" is so expensive -- fresh, unprocessed foods, what every other animal eats, has become a rarity in our technological, mass-production society.
The mind still gravitates to the intellect. Lots of reading: Carl Jung, Kaballah, Adi Da, and A Course in Miracles. More information reinforces the same basic concepts hidden within those that are more complex. I trust that the pieces are flowing into place. Trusting the universe fully is the profound challenge.